Do you people really get up this early every day? Holy fucking shit it's early. It's like - before 11. Why the hell am I awake yet? And how in the fuck do you people do this all the time? I do this like twice a year by accident and I fucking hate the hell out of it! I shouldn't be up for three more hours. Why did I wake up? I hate everything. Don't get me wrong - nobody enjoys living more than I do. I am easily amused by earth living. But I can't get into it until like 4 p.m. I spend the first few hours I am awake begging God for a nuclear bomb to land on my face. I hate waking up. Once I've been awake for two hours I'm cool but right now - what in the fuck! How do you people do this all the time. And shit, most of you have been up for at least four hours already. Do you people hate yourselves or something? Oh yeah, this schedule doesn't bother you amazing beings. Not me, man. I think I chose the careers I did not for the love of the work, but for the convenient hours. I'm serious. I probably wouldn't mind being one of those rich business douche-bags in a suit at an office, as long as the day didn't start until 5:30 p.m. That's the same reason I don't have kids, yet. I love kids and would be great with them, but I've heard the little fuckers wake up with the sun and jump on your bed and don't know what hangovers are and demand cereal and cartoons before the roosters have even rubbed one out. Do they even do Saturday morning cartoons still? I don't know. I'm never up that early. This sucks. I'm going back to bed. I should have gone with Irish Pat to get a hot dog on the street last night. Maybe I woke up because I'm hungry. Screw mornings. Screw early. And screw all of you!
I'm sorry. I don't really mean that. Wait, yes I did. I'm a hateful son of a bitch until about two hours after I wake up. Call me at four, and I will call you all darlings. I'm going the fuck back to bed.