Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Marital Motwhoresteakcle Midgets

I either possess a really advanced or really primitive mind. I always think about things that others don't even contemplate. Others either don't do this because the issue is so easy to understand that it is already resolved by everyone but dumbass me, or because I am such a genius that only I am smart enough to ever noticed such things.

For example: why do married people buy each other presents? If you're married, the laws says you both kind of own all the same shit anyway. This includes your bank accounts. So let's say I was married to my wife named Daisy. (I just love the name Daisy.) And let's say Daisy bought me a motorcycle. My first question would be "Daisy why in the hell did you just buy me a motorcycle. I can't ride them and I don't like them. Couldn't you have just gotten me some steak or whores or something? No seriously, my point is, when the person you're married to buys you a gift, they have just spent your money for you without asking you first - or at least fifty percent of that purchase was made by you against your will. So if Daisy bought me a motorcycle, she really only bought me half a motorcycle. So in order to buy me a whole motorcycle from herself, Daisy would really have to buy me two motorcycles. And why in the hell would I want two motorcyles? I just told you I didn't even want the first one! Have you forgotten? I hate motorcycles! Steak and whores! Steak and whores! And I want two steaks and two whores! That way at least one of each actually came from my wife Daisy. Then again, maybe Daisy should have just bought me a half of a motorcycle, because I could ride that as much as I'd ride a whole one, and then I could take my half of the left over motorcycle money and get myself a half of a whore - a midget! And I'd share a half of a steak with her. I guess it would have to be veal, since that comes from little half cows. So there you have it. In case you didn't know, veal is good, midgets are short, motorcycles do nothing for me, Daisy doesn't even know me even if she isn't real, and married people shouldn't be allowed to give each other presents.

1 comment:

  1. My husband and I never exchange gifts. If he wants something, he buys it. Same for me. If it's an expensive item, we discuss it. Besides, if I bought him a gift, it would be all of his money, since I stay at home with the kids. LOL.