Sunday, January 11, 2009

Rappers are Stupid

I have spent the last 2 hours with VH1's 40 greatest songs of hip hop on my television while I read the latest Ann Coulter book, and I've come to a daring conclusion: rappers are very stupid people.

Very stupid people.

1. It's - If I have to hear one more of them use the word "it's" when the words they should be using are "there are" I'm going to go AK on my television.

Example of how you should say it: "There are quite a few people here tonight."

How a rapper would say it: "It's a lotta people up in here tonight!"

No "it" isn't a lot of people - there are a lot of people! All rappers use the word it's at the wrong time.

2. All Bid'ness- What else have I learned from hearing rappers talk on television? Oh yes this: the dumber the rapper the more he uses the word "entrepreneur." The guys who do this always look at the camera with such self-satisfaction each time they use the word, so as to say, "Yeah, look at me sounding smart with my big word."

First off, it's not a big word. And second off, if you were smart, you would explore the use of synonyms. Maybe after one "entrepreneur," go with a "businessman" and follow that up with a "capitalist."

3. Lick Lips Cool James -
I'm so sick of all you predictable white girls who go ga-ga every time L.L. Cool J licks his own lips. Don't you know it's contrived? He heard that girls like it so he does it on purpose. Plus, it's actually kind of gross. And since you know it's deliberate, you can't be attracted to him anymore, because we all know that men can't try to be sexy on purpose - it turns women off. Only women can be sexy on purpose.

4. Pave Yourself - If I have to hear one more dumbass rapper say "If it wadn't for (insert old rapper name here) there would be no me. He paved the way for my music to come out."

That's a stupid statement, it's also a worn out cliche', and it's probably not true. Could you imagine if writers said such inane things? Picture Hemingway saying, "If there was no Mark Twain there would be no me. He paved the way for my work." No he didn't. Ernest Hemingway still would've written books if Mark Twain hadn't existed, and Nelly would still be making songs about girls' fat asses even if the Sugarhill Gang had never come out due to getting shot in some sort of sugar hill gang bang.

5. Stuff that was going on? - Every damn rapper compliments every other damn rapper by saying, "That song was fah'real cuz they was talking about real stuff that was going on!"

OK, this sounds good at first, but it also is a very dumb statement. Rap songs always just say generic shit about how hard it is in the streets and how they "gotsta play the game to survive," but they never really say anything of substance - which would be fine if they didn't later claim they did. Chuck D is the biggest offender. They act like his songs were so clear and smart. But admit it, you don't hear a Public Enemy song and really know what in the hell the intended message was. Message through song is a stupid idea, the music drowns out the words. If you really want to express your opinion give a speech or a write a book. Music was meant for butt-shaking not talking about whatever the hell they claim they were saying was so important. Shut up, Chuck D.

6. Whoever Amanda Diva is might be the dumbest person in the whole show.

I am dumber for what I just watched.

1 comment:

  1. That's why I avoid the TV...The Drivel! The Dreck! Best to get your entertainment from the computer where you pick and choose what you want to read. Ya know? :-)