Sunday, January 11, 2009

Faggoty Andy and the Werewolf

My boss, Faggoty Andy, told me the funniest story about how he really fought off a werewolf one time. (Andy isn't gay, it's just a funny name I gave him because it rhymes with "Raggedy Andy.")

Let's get to this hilarious story.

It was the 1980's and Andy was just old enough (maybe nine years old) to be at the house by himself.

Andy was standing in the living room when he heard something behind him. He turned around and there stood a real life werewolf. And boy was it pissed!

He started chasing after Andy through the house. Andy ran like hell into the laundry room and held the door shut. The werewolf started pounding at the door and howling. So Andy grabbed some stick or something that was laying there in the laundry room and started opening the door just enough to stab at the werewolf. He would stab a little, then shut the door back and yell, "Leave me alone, you werewolf! You're not gonna get me! Go away, werewolf!"

After a minute or two of the standoff at the laundry room door with the werewolf, Andy opened the door, stabbed at the werewolf one last time and made a run for it.

Here's what Andy didn't know: his gymnast brother that was like ten or fifteen years older than him had recently been hired to be a stunt double in a Stephen King movie that was being filmed in town called Silver Bullet. He was hired to do some crazy flips and stuff as the Werewolf. I've never watched that whole movie, but if you look that Werewolf up online, it is the scariest shit you will ever see. And that thing really wanted to eat Corey Haim in that movie. So Andy's brother had talked the director into letting him wear the suit home just to scare the shit out of him.

As Andy ran out in the yard to escape the Werewolf, his mom pulled up in the car and was alarmed to see her kid running out of the house. When she asked him what it was, he was all like, "It's a god damned werewolf in there chasing me around! It's gonna get us. Go! Go!"

Luckily, his mom didn't believe in werewolves and told her other son to take off the outfit. Still though, Andy knows something the rest of us don't: for 2 or 3 minutes of his life he got to know what it felt like to really think he was face to face with a mythical creature that was trying to eat him.

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