Thursday, February 19, 2009

Pubics or Publix?

Have you ever seen those commercials for "Guys Gone Wild." I don't know if it's made by the same company that makes Girls Gone Wild, but I've thought of something that will make you laugh at those commercials just a little bit harder.

OK, think about this. Those commercials are of supposedly straight young men dancing around and showing there dicks to the camera. (Because we all know that all straight guys love to show off their physical form through dance and sensuality?)

Now think about this. How many video camera operators have you known? What are almost all video camera operators?


So that means that when they film these Guys Gone Wild videos, these young muscly frat boys are putting their arms behind their head and gyrating their wankers at a dude holding a camera!

Oooooooooooh, gross!

And, Ooooooohh, no fun for anyone involved!

You know that if these homos showing their dicks are actually straight, they're all like, "Do you really expect me to get a boner shaking this thing at people named Ted and Jeff?"

And you know Ted and Jeff are sitting there thinking, "How fucked up did I handle my career to end up with this gig getting fresh wangs held out towards me by really horny drunk boys? Somewhere, I took the wrong career path. If this guy so much as blows a load in my direction, I'm going to drop this gigantic camera and beat more than this guy's meat. Why is this happening? How come I didn't get to be on the GIRLS Gone Wild crew? Lord, why do you torture me so?!"

Oh. Could you imagine having to be the boom mic guy following these naked guys around? You'd be so scared of touching their dicks with the long pole you're holding. You'd be all like, "Man, if this thing even grazes that guy's pubes, I'm dropping that thing and walking out and going back to my job at Publix.

You're welcome. I just enabled you to enjoy those commercials just an extra bit more.

P.S. I noticed that I said the hilariously minimal "If that guy SO MUCH AS blows a load in my direction-" like shooting a wad at the camera guy would be just a minor offense. I laughed so hard when I noticed that, that I had to leave it. But I just did want you to know I was also aware.

1 comment:

  1. I haven't seen those commercials, but now, I feel like I just must find it! That's too funny.

    And, as far as I know, my cameraman friend doesn't have a secret second job.