Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Broken Back Part 11 (B.S. tags along for Sewer Day)

So about a week after the wreck, I was finally getting up and staying awake a little longer than I had been. It still wasn't a lot. Other than going to that pool party with Ed, I still hadn't left the house much.

One particular school day, I had made it to the living room to watch the morning game shows. I remember being home alone and thinking it was way too quiet. I know it was a school day, because suddenly, my three Mooresville boys busted through my living room in a party mood yelling "Sewer Day, Bitch! School is canceled! We're hanging with you today, Wriscey!"

I looked over at them in shock. Not because they busted in my house without knocking - at least 100 people had a right to walk in my house without knocking any time they wanted. You wouldn't believe how much of a happy hub of a hangout that house was for people of all ages for so many years. My friends, my big sister's friends, my little sister's friends, and all my dad's employees, and all my mom's coffee drinking friends could just walk in that house whenever they wanted. Hell, people would go straight to our fridge without asking, but many of them would also fill it up from time to time. I never knew what a house key was. The only time we locked the doors was when we went to bed at night. Even when my family would go on vacation for a week to the beach, we wouldn't lock up the house. Every couple of year's a neighbor would get robbed, but we never did - and my mom told me that we never would. (She was right.) She said it was due the fact that she opened her home up to people the way God wanted her to. You wouldn't believe how many down on their luck people would stumble onto our porch telling us they had no idea what sent them there to our poor ass family in their lowest moments. Occasionally, we'd have some recovering addict, or some abuse victim, or some pregnant woman staying with us for a few days here or there, while they got their shit together. And while my Mom would help them, she would also set their sorry asses straight and tell them the truth even if they didn't want to hear it. She wouldn't tell them they weren't at fault just because they wanted to hear that. Don't get me wrong, she never put her kids in obvious danger and let raging crackheads stay with us, but we occasionally we had some character at the house. The crackheads would soon turn out to be two of my friends. And even they never caused a problem... at least not with us.

So why were my little druggie friends, Jason, Blank and B.S running around my house laughing about something they called "Sewer Day?" I didn't know, either. So one of them explained.

"Basically, Dr. Sloop is a dumbass!"

Let me explain who Dr. Sloop was before I recount my friends explaining Sewer Day to me. Dr. Sloop was our principal at Mooresville High School. She was a lady that my Grandmother went to high school with. So that would've put her in her early 70's at that time. Yes, we had an old, naive grandma for a principal. Awesome! She was very nice, but she was very naive. I'll tell you how clueless she was about bastards our age.

One day earlier that year, all of the students were suddenly sequestered in their 4th period classes while a drug sweep was performed by the K-9 unit from the local police department looking for drugs in the lockers. Once it was done, this sweet lady came on the intercom and proudly announced to us that we had a "completely drug free school!" Even my Drafting teacher, Mr. Nail, was laughing his ass off when she said that. It was even more hilarious than you think. You may think the dogs failed at their job and that our little school couldn't possibly be drug free. But actually, on that day our school probably really was drug free. Here's why: The night before, one of our asssistant principal calleds exactly one friend of mine and told him to spread the word that we all needed to keep our drugs out of school the next day. It's not that the assistant principal was involved in drugs. As well as I knew the respectable man, it was probably because he didn't want any of our futures to get derailed by one stupid day of dogs running through the school. I always loved that dude. And believe me, everyone got his memo. I wasn't one to bring drugs to school, and even I knew about it. So that's how naive Dr. Sloop was, she had no idea she had been backdoored by her assistant principal. So let's get back to one of my friends explaining Sewer Day to me.

"Roth Wriscey, you're got gonna believe it. Dr. Sloop got on the intercom in first period and said "Students, we're having a problem with the plumbing. Whatever you do, please don't flush the toilets for the next couple of hours, because if you do that, it will back up the system and we'll have to cancel school for the rest of the day."

I told you she was naive.

"Seriously dude, after she said that shit - during the very next class change, every motherfucker in school was racing to that bathrooms to flush every toilet. What was that lady thinking?"

While I was jealous that I had missed an event like Sewer Day, I was thrilled that my three friends decided to spend it with me. Then I looked at my friends and realized one detail didn't add up, and it fell squarely on my main man, B.S.

I said, "Guys, I'm glad you all thought to come her for Sewer Day. But B.S, what the hell are you doing here? You don't even go to our school!"

He laughed and said, "Well, when the guys found out about Sewer Day, they called me at the payphone in the hall at my school like yall always do at that time, and I decided to ditch class for the rest of the day, so I snuck out of school and ran to the side of the road where they picked me up in the Samurai. I wasn't letting ya'll motherfuckers have a day off without me. Fuck that!,"

Yeah, B.S. went on to be a twice-convicted felon. He also had at least two babies with two women. He's even escaped from jail during a transport to court. I've seen him get in countless jams. I've known him to get his ass kicked multiple times. But I've never seen him start a fight or even through a punch. And he's never screwed me over in 17 years. We have an agreement. He doesn't bring his bullshit world into mine, and I don't try to talk him out of his scams. And he's still he's one of my best friends today. I haven't seen him in four years. And he now lives with other freaks in Oregon. But we're still tight. I'll make it out there soon, or he'll shock me with a surprise visit this year.

Me and B.S. going to different schools was kind of funny because I lived in Mecklenburg County but my parents paid money for me to go to a public school where he lived in Iredell County.

And while B.S. lived in Iredell County, his parents paid money for him to go to a public school where I lived in Mecklenburg County.

Here's the difference: I went to school where I did because they provided a better education than where I was supposed to go.

B.S went to schoo where he did, because he had been banned from the Mooresville School System FOR LIFE for bringing a gun to class in the 8th grade. He didn't even point it at anyone. He was just trying impress a girl by showing it to her in class. She was so impressed she tattled. B.S. later got banned from a second school system for something else, but I can't remember. At his third school system, he didn't get in trouble, even though he was involved in some altercation outside where some people shot some guy he was standing with. His friend wasn't majorly hurt.

My final thought on Sewer Day? "Man, I always miss the good shit!"

Wokka, Wokka, Wokka!


  1. When I lived in Kansas, we never got out of school for snow, but we did get out for heat. See, some schools in the district didn't have AC (mine did), but when it got to 112, they'd have to let the whole district go home. I would rather have the snow days... or Sewer Day!

  2. I wish I could recall the details like you do. It is like you are actually letting us re-live the moment with you. You are truly awesome at this.