Sunday, February 22, 2009

I broke my back or something (Part 4)

This installment of the "I broke my back" story is being told the best I can. I am only telling you what people around me told me. Ny body was there and I was awake, but for the rest of my life I will never remember the first 15 minutes of my life after the car wreck, due to the fact that I was in the initial stages of a major, major concussion. Here's what Kira and Holton told me happened after the wreck:

When the car we were in flew down into the woods, it hit a tree head on and just stopped. The car tree was lined up with the hood of the car directly in front of the passenger side that me and Holton were both sitting on. (We were later told that the tire had a role in saving us from the tree.)

When the Accord came to a stop (by way of a very hard collision) everybody sat there stunned. Then they started asking each other if they were OK and crap like that. Then they looked at me.

I was sitting in my chair with my seatbelt still on and I looked fine... except I was knocked the fuck out. Holton saw me sleeping and thought I was fucking with them. (Yes, that's what happens when you're a joker like me: people truly believed that I had it in my to use a near-fatal car wreck to pretend I was dead. They actually thought I was capable of saying to myself: "Wow, we're about to hit a tree, I should use this occasion to trick my friends into thinking I've been killed! I'm so funny! They're gonna love this gag!") But I wasn't faking. I was out.

After the three people in the car screamed at me to wake up and shook me with no success, they came to the next obvious conclusion: I must be dead. They were sure I was dead. I knew I wasn't dead, but I was in the black, so I couldn't tell them. I didn't hear them and I didn't feel them, but some part of me knew I was just knocked out and disabled at that moment.

Just when my friends and Ginger had given up on me waking up and being alive, I jolted awake and was on some sort of supersonic speed. I scared the shit out of them, not by being dead, but by being alive! They said I was in some sort of panic and rescue mode. I undid my seatbelt and I undid Kira's seatbelt, and screamed shit like "Oh no! We were just in a wreck!" Then, gosh I can't remember which way it went: they told me that either I coughed a giant load of blood into Kira's hand or she coughed a giant load of blood into mine. I tend to think they said she coughed in my hand, but I don't know. They said I was really intent on making sure she was OK. Then I ran out of the car and opened all the doors and told everyone they had to get out of the car, and then I just started running back and forth like a crazy person. Oh man, I bet this was some sight to see. They tell me that after a bit of this goofy running act I had going on, I stopped and calmly said, "Oh man, my back hurts. I need to lay down." And I promptly laid down in a ditch and fell back asleep.

That is all I know about the period where I was awake but not there. They say Troy Aikmen once got knocked out in a Dallas Cowboys game and didn't know it, got up, huddled his men together and flawlessly executed a running play. A week later, he said, "I always told the coach I could run that play in my sleep. And last week, I got to prove it." I don't know what that has to do with me, I just thought it was funny. I am going straight to part five. That is where my memory starts up again for the first time at the crash sight. It possibly the most amusing and bizarre part of the story. It's a lot better than part 4. Still, I had to tell you about this part I wasn't there for. Is it me, or is this true story starting to sound somewhat like a work of fiction written by that guy that wrote Fight Club? (Not the quality of the writing, just the "small town coincidence scheme.") BTW, I give "Rant" mixed reviews. His hick accents were so contrived that they ruined a good story, and it got a little to sci-fi at the end, I thought. On to part five.

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