Monday, February 9, 2009

My homeless sitcom

I have nothing good to write these days. I don't know why. So just to kill time, I'm going to create a sitcom right now. I have given this no thought. I will type it as I think it. Let's see what kind of show we can make.

Sitcom Proposal:

What about a show about a duplex? No, screw the duplex, let's make it about a bunch of homeless people. I'll go with the safe cast of four main characters: 3 guys and one girl that none of them are sleeping with. Wait, they're homeless people- let's make it where all three of them are sleeping with her! Yet, all three homeless dudes are cool with the fact they are all banging the one homeless chick. So it's never really much of a focus of the show, you just never know which guy she'll be waking up with naked in the woods with on any given scene.

Our 4 homeless characters should all have some very cool individual quirks. Like, one them has to be a guy who is a germophobe. Imagine the laughs you will get when you see this dude ironically diving around in a dirty dumpster trying to find a free bottle of Purelle!

And another dude can be completely crazy - even seemingly retarded, except for one thing: he's multilingual. So there would be several scenes where he is speaking in French or Latin or Spanish to tourists, only the joke would be that when you read the subtitles of what he's saying on the screen, you realize that when he's suddenly speaking in French, he's still saying completely retarded stuff...only it's now in French.

Our third character would be a rich guy who was in the witness protection plan, only he later testified in court about the corruption going in the witness protection plan. So now he's on the run from the guys in charge of the witness protection plan. He's decided the one place they would never look for a rich dude like him would be living as a homeless guy. He can't tell his homeless friends the truth so he's always making up hilarious lies about his past, where he withholds that he is rich and intelligent, and instead dishonestly brags about how poor and dumb he is.

Our fourth character would be the lady that bangs the three other homeless dudes. She will have some sort of weird quirk like, I don't know - oh yes, I do.I've got it! Here it is: this homeless lady actually loves being homeless and thinks it's the life that everyone envies. Her view is so backwards that she feels sorry for working people who have big homes and cars, and she sometimes, out of the goodness of her heart, hands them things they don't have: like piles of dirt and torn up Dorito bags. She feels that while she can't give away everything she has, it's her duty to share at least some of her homeless fortune with those less fortunate wealthy people.

Oh man, I would totally watch this show. And I would find a way to cast Al Molina as a side-character who wears an apron.

I'd also have recurring characters that are rival homeless people who want to fight them over used-needles and homemade outhouse spots. Oh, and I'd make one episode where the homeless chick gets her period and tells the other three guys that the first one to make her a decent tampon out of something they find in a garbage can gets to be the guy that bangs her that night on a hopscotch at the playground.

We really should make this show. Does anyone know any producers who hate all that money they have lying around? Wouldn't that be funny if a guy invested in my show about homeless people, and it went so bad that it ultimately left him homeless?


  1. I think that one would only be bought by HBO or Showtime. LOL.

  2. I would have to agree... but good! :)