Wednesday, April 29, 2009


I've never lost a parent, much less anyone to cancer. But Pokey Pants lost her Mom at 2 a.m. on Tuesday. A 3 year battle turned into a four step process over the last 2 weeks. Here's what the doctor's said.

10 days ago: "We'll let you know tomorrow if you can give chemo one last shot."
9 days ago: "Sorry. Tell your mom she has a month or two."
5 days ago: "Let's make that a week or two."
3 days ago: "Any minute."
2 days ago: ____________________

If it sounds like I'm bitching about the doctors, I'm not. Pokey says they were great, and she's a medical worker. I'm just showing how I watched a daughter who had 3 years to plan for her mom's death, still have it her her like a sudden load of bricks. But it was nice to hear her admit the truth in a confident way she usually doesn't express; because two days before it happened, as we sat there while her young mom was struggling to sleep with an oxygen machine, albeit with a cute buzzcut, she said, "At least when she leaves, I'm not gonna live with regrets. I took damn good care of her! A lot of other people will have to live with how they neglected her - but not me! I loved her like I was supposed to."

Thank God, I didn't have to explain that truth to her. Everything she said was exactly right.

For the last two days, every TV show, whether a drama, comedy, reality show, documentary or news program we have tried to escape into has been about cancer. I told her: "You know it's gonna be this way." She understood that if her Mom was attacked by an alligator with mittens on - every show she saw for the next month would be about exactly that, it's just the way it goes.

And of course, I couldn't be with her last night. Why? Because I had to write a newspaper article. A newspaper article about The Pender County Relay For Life Cancer Walk. Naturally.


  1. I'm sorry to hear about your all's loss. My mom died of cancer too (esophageal) and it was similar to her mom, only my mom was too weak to do chemo at all. So, they gave her 6 months. She was dead in 4 weeks, but I spent every last moment with her - I was 6 months into a high risk pregnancy. My (ex) brother and his wife couldn't be bothered to even visit once. Give Pokey Pants a hug from me.

  2. I'm sorry to hear about Pokey Pants Mom! Give her a big hug from me!

    Hugs - Tiff