Monday, June 8, 2009

My Married Cartoon Show

Does anyone know how to create animation? I want to create a cartoon. Before I sell you on the premise. Let me tell you how I got the inspiration.

I was sitting on the beach with a bunch of friends two weeks ago. A third were married, a third were dating and a third were thrilled with life. It's the married third that caught my interest. While all these people are nice and behaved and generally fun people, I noticed one characteristic that only the married possess.

The desire to murder.

Every once in a while I'd catch one of the wives looking at her husband (and occasionally one of the husbands looking at his wife) with this stare that said, "I want you dead. I'd volunteer to do it. I know how I'd do it. And I'd enjoy doing it. You really have to die, spouse."

The best part was that they would usually be giving this look while their current-lover/future-victim was blissfully unaware. I saw Marina giving this stare to Ken, and Ken's dumbass had no idea that she was giving it. He was just chatting away with Ray about this awesome move he did on his jet ski one time. And, of course, because Ken wasn't even aware of his wife's death stare, I could see that this only made her want to kill him more. This gave me an idea for a cartoon. Here's the pitch:

I want to do a cartoon about a married couple. A married couple that is always trying to kill each other. The beautiful part will be that the husband will constantly be trying to kill the wife, and the wife will constantly be trying to kill the husband! But because both of their dumbasses are so entrenched in their own murder plots, neither idiot knows that the other one is trying to kill them right back.

This cartoon will be much like Tom & Jerry, but with a twist. Both characters will think of themselves as a covert Tom, but neither one will know that he/she is also a sitting-duck Jerry. The hunter knows not of his own hunting. Ya dig?

And here's the beautiful part: they will both always fail. Often their murder plots will precisely cancel each other out. And their mutual punishment for being bad at murder will be this: they're still married to each other for another day! This will be like some really sick Lockhorns shit brought to animated life.

I have an idea for one episode where the husband is about to drop a running blow dryer in the bathtub that his nagging wife is sitting in. And when he drops it in - every thing goes black and silent, which would lead you to believe that he finally electrocuted her and the power shorted out as a result. But then, just when you think it's over, you hear a voice from the bathtub say, "YOU NO GOOD BUM! YOU FORGOT TO PAY THE POWER BILL AGAIN, DIDN'T YOU! I ASK YOU TO DO ONE SIMPLE THING AND YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" (And of course, she's nagging so hard, she doesn't even notice the blow dryer he dropped in the tub. Nice try, trying to poke holes in my plot.)

We also had ideas for a classic drink poisoning scene. And maybe one where the wife keeps pretending she's trying to kill bugs with a frying pan, but she's really trying to knock the asshole out. And the husband using that as an opportunity to "spray" the bugs - but he's really trying to spray poison in his wife's face, but she keeps accidentally blocking the spray with the pan.

So because I am exactly who I am, when this stroke of lightning hit me, I immediately asked my married friends if they fantasized about killing each other. Ken matter-of-factly said, "Oh, Melinda wants to kill me all the time. I know the look. I sleep at my own peril. It's cool." Melinda agreed.

But the best part of my cartoon idea was that my married friends had tons of ideas for the show! And they swore to me, if done right, they would make that shit some must-see appointment TV. So if anyone knows how to make cartoons, or has an idea they want to share about how they are comically planning to kill their spouse, let's do this dumb thing.

1 comment:

  1. Once again freaking hilarious! I'm amazed at some of the stuff you come up with! Thanks for following me! Are you starting to get this thing figured out?

    Hugs - Tiff