Intuition is just some guy. He appears to your side without invitation like a hologram you can't see and he tells you what is up and how it's going to be. My guy is a dick. He's usually right, but he's a dick about it. He just shows up and tells me how he's right and how if I argue with him, I'll just end up later admitting he was right. He doesn't know everything, but he tells me all he can. It happened last week in the Wal-Mart cereal aisle when I came upon a box of Fruity Cheerios. The fucker just appeared all invisible-like and started telepathically telling me what was in the box.
Me: Wow, it says "One in ten boxes wins money in the form of a bank card!"
Intuition: It's in the exact box you are reading.
Me: Dammit, you scared me. Can you ever say hello when you show up?
Intuition: I don't have time for that, I'm trying to help you.
Me: And just how are you going to help me?
Inty: I'm telling you which box has a winner. It's in the first one you saw.
Me: That's boring. Wouldn't it be more fun if I looked at all these boxes and picked one out besides just grabbing the first one I saw?
Inty: Sure, it would be more fun now. But it will suck when you get home and open, because you probably won't win. It's in the first box.
Me: It says the cards can be worth 5, 10 and $25. How much is in that box you're telling me to pick?
Inty: Five bucks.
Me: That sucks. I'll be winning the smallest prize.
Inty: Yes, but at least you'll be winning something.
Me: There're like 50 boxes here. And one in 10 are winners. Where are the rest of the winners?
Inty: I don't know. I never claimed to know everything. All I do know is that the first box you looked at is a winner and it will net you five bucks.
Me: But I have to buy the three dollar box of cereal. That means I'll only net two buck.
Inty: Gosh, asshole. Do you want to win or not? And won't it be fun to have a really cool ATM card with the Trix Rabbit on it?
Me: That is pretty cool. But where is the suspense now that I know I will win, and I know how much I'll win?
Inty: The suspense will be between now and when you get home and open the cereal. You will be wondering if I am misleading you.
Me: No I won't. You're almost never wrong, Intuition. You're even more reliable than my friends "Gut" and "Hunch."
Inty: I know. I was just trying to be humble. Now get that damn cereal, I have to piss.
Me: But your not a physical being.
Inty: Don't inquire on what you can't understand. Just grab the box.---------------------------
So I got home with my groceries, put all of them up but the cereal, opened the box, pulled out a ATM card, noticed that it was worth five dollars and had a picture of the Trix Rabbit on it, shrugged my shoulders indifferently, and said, "Wow, big freakin' surprise. My friend helped me cheat." And I went to bed.
Intuition, you sure can make fun things boring.