Saturday, December 5, 2009

We're Fucked Because We Are Fun (Or "Fun King, deal with it.")

I wish I could be so good at something that I could be as amusing of a motherfucker as Axl Rose. Then again, I could never pull an "Axl." Don't get me wrong, I can be a dick, but only when being a dick is justified. I'm actually a nice boy. Maybe I'd make more of a Howard Hughes. Then again, I think he was a dick, too. Plus, he was a billionaire. And I'm too fun to be even a millionaire.

You ever thought about that? You always say, "If I was that rich, I'd be awesome!" And you're right. But that's why you're never gonna be rich: because you're too awesome to focus your crazy ass down and make money. And that's why billionaires are never fun: because they are too busy earning money to lay back and lick a frozen utility pole. Fun people can't focus. And focused people can't be fun.

And don't give me this shit about how people like Richard Branson are fun. Guys like him are posers. Sure he may build these mega-awesome hot air-balloons to play in, but he never plays in them; he's busy sitting in the damn thing on his cell phone making acquisitions and other boring business shit terms that us fun-ions could never understand. The same way your fun ass sits at your cubicle pretending to be smart, but you're really just playing Minesweeper. And who the hell plays minesweeper? It's not 1994. And who plays in hot air balloons? It's 2009.

So in conclusion, fuck super-rich people... because they're never fun. And fuck our fun asses, because we'll never be rich.