Yeah, the first night of comedy went well. I got a good buzz on. Not because I think I'm only funny drunk. (I can be funny either way.) I was just worried the nerves would get to me up there.
So me and Pokey Pants and Kaveman went down there. I asked the guy in charge if I could go on, he said I could.
Man, I was nervous. Not on stage. I was just nervous waiting to get on stage. I drank a lot of beer and stepped out for a lot of cigarettes between comics.
Then he called me up. As soon as I got up there, the lights were bright as shit. I couldn't see anyone. (I couldn't see them unti ltowards the end when my eyes adjusted.) But I could hear them. They were laughing. I told a story about what happened when I was a teenager. When my friend wouldn't shut up about how big his dick was, and how I challenged him to a good old fashioned dick off just to shut him up. It's a great story. I don't want to give it away if you don't know it.
Anyway, the crowd laughed a good deal, but I could see their eyes looking at me in disbelief. Not at disbelief in my story, but at disbelief in the fact that I would tell it. Oh, they don't know me! Shame is lame, for me - that night was tame. They would elbow each other with looks that said, "Why would he tell us this?" Why not?
After the show, most of the comics were as nice as they were before the show. But some became dicks to me. I know why.
CUZ I DID GOOD!
They can be petty little girls all they want. I just want everyone to do well. But I will admit, I asked Pokey Pants how good I did while Kaveman was in the bathroom. She told me I was no doubt third biggest laugh-getter, besides a guy from Jersey and a guy from Raleigh. (Raleigh was a dick to me. Jersey became a dick to me the second week. Bitches.)
Then when Kaveman came back, I asked him. And he said the exact same thing Pokey did. And they swore they hadn't talked about it to each other. So if I can do better than 3 out of 12 guys my first time out. I'll take it. The second week went the same way.
If I can make it to the open mic this week, I think I'm gonna tell a story about how I ate German Shepard shit on purpose when I was 17. You think I'm kidding. I don't joke about joking.